Yaaay end of the world 2012!

I just wanted to take a moment to tell everyone how excited I am about the news that the whole world as we know it is coming to an end on December 21st 2012! How fun! I'm gonna celebrate by robbing a bank, french kissing everyone I meet whether they like it or not, and then at midnight, I'm gonna light up all my new home-made nuclear firecrackers!

I LOVE end of the worlds! Our Gregorian calendar is so wimpy, so short, so only 365 days. The end of the world every year on December 31st is kinda nice, but i can hardly wait 'til the Mayan 2012 apocalypse! I know it's gonna be a so much bigger, sexier end of the world,because it's such a bigger, sexier calendar!

Those Mayan prophets really knew how to make brilliant end-of-the-world predictions. But I also think they were very vindictive. You can tell by the little nuances in their calendar that they knew already that their culture and civilization would be gone by the year 2000. They gave themselves some leeway, just in case they were still around longer than that, and then made sure to end the calendar on the winter solstice of 2012 so they could have their sweet revenge by just making the whole universe disappear in chaos and destruction after that. Sneaky, devious Mayan magicians!

And the beginning of the world isn't so much fun as the end of the world. Every year, january first, it's the same old dumb beginning of the world. There's never any apocalypse on January first- it's always on December 31st. Somebody needs to tell the prophets who put our Gregorian calendar together every year that they really need to make January first more interesting. More death, more destruction, more earthquakes and tidal waves and tsunamis, and the earth melting at its core.

An observation about the planets aligning and causing worldwide destruction because of their combined gravitational pull: they're gonna get it RIGHT this time! The planets aligned exactly in 1982 and tried to destroy the earth with their gravity, but they ended up just stirring up the emotions of allot of end-of-the-world enthusiasts, but really causing no damage at all. The stupid planets failed in their mission! According to the September 16, 1974 edition of Newsweek magazine, science section, a catastrophic alignment of planets happens only once every 179 years. And 1982 was when it would happen next. The planets did align, as predicted, but we were all disappointed that we had to get up and go to school (or work) in the morning anyway. And despite the fact that the planets only do this every 179 years, they surprised us with another sneak attack only 18 years later with that infamous Year 2000 alignment. Again, NOTHING. I was so disappointed. I had spent all day beforehand getting ready for Y2k! I had bought marshmallows and hot dogs, and even fancy weiner roasting sticks from Albertson's so I could nuke my campfire food over the fiery mushroom clouds, yet NOTHING. But this time, according to those wise Mayan prophets (and all the fiscally successful authors of the various 2012 doomsday books who don't really know very much about Mayan culture or calendars) the planets are going to get it right. When they align THIS TIME, it will be the end of the world. FOR REAL. One more time, but this time with feeling! Yaaaay end of the world!

Here I will leave you with a nice link filled with 200 amazing prophetic predictions of the various other ends-of-the-world that have doubtless happened in alternate universes since 44 A.D. http://www.bible.ca/pre-date-setters.htm